Health and Aging

"Science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships."

--John Gottman

Recently my client shared with me a scary incident she experienced with her body. As she was driving, her teeth and arms began to tingle, her vision tunneled, and her heart was pounding very fast. Fortunately for her, she was close to a medical clinic. Upon arriving at the clinic, she was shocked to find that her blood pressure was measuring 190/110. My client is young and leads an active lifestyle, and all her medical tests came back negative. So what happened here? Just like a barometer measures atmospheric pressure, each of us has an emotional barometer that measures our stored emotions and tension levels. A storm is generally anticipated when the barometer is falling rapidly; when the barometer is rising, fair weather may usually be expected. In this case, my client’s emotional barometer was falling rapidly and her blood pressure was rapidly rising. Many years of unprocessed emotions finally took its toll on her.

We were created to experience many emotions – from anger and sadness to happiness and joy. Unfortunately, many of us have been conditioned to believe that certain emotions are negative and others are positive. Actually it’s what we do with the emotions that are either negative or positive. The emotions themselves are what they are. Your emotions are signals you need to pay attention to. Just like you are supposed to slow down when the traffic light is yellow and stop when the light is red, your emotions serve the same purpose. If you are feeling angry, it is a signal that something is wrong. It could be that someone is actually disrespecting you, or you are holding a perception you are being mistreated. If you are feeling sad, perhaps you are missing something or someone you wish you had. Likewise, feelings of happiness and joy are signs that you appreciate an experience or your thoughts are of gratitude and abundance.

So what happens when you don’t pay attention to and process your emotions? Your emotions are stored in your subconscious mind and in your body. Let me give you an example. Many years ago, at a time when my life wasn’t so happy, I went for my first massage as an assignment for a college course I was taking. The massage itself was wonderful. Now you would think that I would walk out of that experience feeling great and relaxed. Surprisingly, I found myself feeling very angry. Why? Because years of angry feelings were stored in my muscles and the massage released those emotions. If you ignore and store your “negative” emotions, they will manifest themselves in disease, health issues or other destructive outlets. So your first step is to stop ignoring your emotions. Use them to tell you what’s next. What do you need to do differently?

There are many things you can do to manage and release your emotions.

 Speak up immediately. Sometimes someone does something that hurts or angers us. It can be easy, especially if it is something small, to let the issue pass without saying anything. It is important you let others know how you are feeling so many little issues don’t build into a volcano.

 Evaluate and change your thoughts. Many of our emotions come from the thoughts we have. Negative thinking can be so automatic for some people that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. So the next time you find yourself feeling unhappy, pay attention to your thoughts. Try changing your thoughts to something positive and see if your emotions follow.

 Look at the boundaries in your life. A boundary is an emotional line you draw that tells people what your limits are. Are you allowing others to step over your boundaries? Pay attention to and honor your limits. Know when to say no to protect your emotional and physical health.

 Take time to refuel. More often than not our emotions tell us when we are tired and emotionally drained. Pay attention to your short fuse and irritability. This is probably a sign that you need to do something to take care of yourself. Schedule some fun and relaxation time for yourself. This will do wonders for putting your emotions in check.

 Laugh. Laughter releases endorphins in your brain – the “feel good” hormone. Watch a hilarious movie or comedy skit. Read a light hearted joke book. Do something that makes you laugh yourself silly.

 Exercise. My doctor has always said exercise is the best antidepressant on the market. Blow off some steam by taking a brisk 30 minute walk. Relax with a yoga class. Do a little Taebo and punch and kick until your heart’s content.

 Journal. Take 30 minutes every morning to write in a journal anything and everything that you are feeling. Process everything that is going on in your life. You will be amazed at what can come up during the journaling process. Not only will it help you release your emotions, journaling will help you learn a lot about yourself. You may even come up with creative solutions to life’s problems.

 Prayer and Meditation. Use prayer or meditation as an outlet to express your emotions. When I pray, I ask God to take my anger or open my heart to joy. Prayer and meditation give you the alone time you sometimes need to process your feelings.

Weather Flash: Watch your emotional barometer and keep the storms from clouding your life.

This month pay close attention to your emotional barometer. What is it trying to tell you? If your barometer indicates a storm is coming, use one of the suggestions in this newsletter to release your emotions.

My story is short and sweet - emphasis on the sweet. Being a single mother of one son who is 9 years old, it can be quite difficult to always come up with fun stuff for him to do. Yet, I have everyday chores that I have to take care of at the barn. We own a few horses and I generally bring my son out to the barn with me when I have to work the horses.

Usually he brings a ball, a slingshot and paintballs - just something. Well, this day he forgot to bring something to keep his attention. He has always been afraid of riding horses, so he won't ride or train with me, so now he is bored. I saddled a horse up for him as I do all the time and told him I would love for him to come riding with me, and he still says no.

I rode to the other side of the barn and then out of the blue, he comes riding up very slowly - with ease and gentleness that I have never seen in a child first time riding. I didn't say anything except that he looked good on the horse and that I was proud of him. Without him noticing, I walked around, made sure he was seated properly and that he was not going to harm himself.

He asked me if we could go out to the barn in the back of the pasture and I told him yes. He rode all by himself. We rode for about 4 hours and he asked questions about horses and why I liked them so much.

I answered his questions and then right when we were dismounting, he said, "Mom, the reason I never went riding before is cuz I wanted you to be proud of me and I didn't want to be embarrassed. I had so much fun with you today because it was just you and me." We have been riding together everyday since then.

--Phyllis A. - Texarkana, AR, USA

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Coach Lori Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and founder of True to You Life Coaching, LLC. Lori offers coaching and encouragement to moms who want to live peaceful, balanced and fulfilling lives. Since coaching is conducted over the telephone, no client is too far away.

For a 45 minute complimentary coaching session, please call (630) 236-7142 or e-mail at lori.radun@sbcglobal.net.

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email: lori.radun@sbcglobal.net

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