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Articles for Moms is written by Lori Radun, , Certified Life Coach and founder of True To You Life Coaching
To learn more click HERE
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Relationships
October 2006
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| Let's face
it. It can be hard to find time for exercise as a busy mom. But
the benefits of exercise argue greatly for making that time. Exercise
keeps you fit and healthy, internally and externally. It helps
you lose weight or at least maintain your current weight. Exercise
has great mental benefits - increasing your confidence and your
general sense of well being. It helps conquer depression and increases
your energy. Even we know all these things, we sometimes still
avoid exercising.
Brisk walking
is a great way to introduce exercise into your daily routine.
It's easy. You do not have to be coordinated or learn how
to use any fancy machines. It doesn't have to cost money.
You don't have to pay health club membership fees to go walking.
Walking is versatile. You can walk just about anywhere,
regardless of the weather. Go outside if it's nice - go to the
mall if it's not. You don't need childcare. Walk with your
children. The younger ones can ride in the stroller so you can
keep up the brisk pace. The older children can walk right along
with you. You can have fun while you walk. Walk with some
of your favorite friends, listen to your favorite music, or try
listening to a good book on tape.
So what's
the plan? Aim for walking 30 minutes per day for 5 days a
week. You can take (1) 30 minute walk or (3) 10 minute walks.
What's the
pace? For walking to be effective, you need to keep a brisk
pace. To calculate your ideal pace, subtract your age from 220.
Take that figure and multiply it by 45%. For a 40 year old woman,
her heartrate should be about 81 beats per minute for her ideal
pace.
Want a little
extra workout? Strap on some ankle weights and wrist weights.
Include hills and end your workout with 50 sit ups and 25 push
ups. |
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 As human beings,
we all have an innate need to be close to someone. But sometimes
the very thing we desire is the opposite of what we have. Some
of us subconsciously sabotage the relationships we want because
of our fear of intimacy. Sometimes we unknowingly and unwillingly
drift apart because of our inability to engage in the delicate
dance of intimacy. Others avoid intimacy altogether because the
pain of past failures is too great.
Intimacy, physical
and emotional closeness, is tough to navigate our way through.
It takes skill, hard work and commitment. I wish I could tell
you it is easy once you know how. True intimacy is tough to achieve,
but who says the best gifts are easy to obtain? In all honesty,
I am certainly no expert on how to maintain and nurture closeness,
but I have learned 11 things that will definitely kill intimacy
in a relationship.
Dishonesty
and Silence. Intimacy requires honesty and openness. It only
takes one lie to destroy the trust in a relationship. To be close
to someone, we need to be able to share what is true and real
about us. And we must be willing to hear someone else’s truth.
Sometimes we think that it is best to not say anything at all
if it means it may hurt our partner. So we silently hang on to
our truth or share our truth with the wrong people. When we do
this, there is no opportunity for the relationship to grow with
integrity.
Lack of
Trust. Sometimes there is no dishonesty in the relationship,
but still a lack of trust exists. Perhaps healthy trust has never
been a part of your life, or maybe a painful event in life has
fractured your ability to trust. A person must heal from their
past and base their decision to trust someone on the present actions
of a person. Deem people trustworthy until proven otherwise.
Desire to
Change People. True intimacy necessitates acceptance. Having
acceptance of yourself and your partner is a powerful indicator
of love. It doesn’t mean you have to like everything, but you
need to let go of the need to change another person. When we lack
acceptance of another person’s qualities, our tendency is to control.
That control manifests itself in disapproving feelings, and sometimes
even pressuring people to change. To feel close to another person,
you must feel unconditionally accepted for who you are.
Inability
to Express Your Needs and Feelings. Unfortunately we, as humans,
do not have the power to read minds. Therefore, we have to rely
on our partners to communicate with us and vice versa. It is each
person’s responsibility to express their needs and feelings. By
sharing who we are and what’s important to us, we significantly
increase our chances of having our needs met. On the other hand,
if we repress our needs and feelings, we shut the other person
out of our world, and make intimacy impossible.
Not Listening.
Communication is a two-way street. Many of us have no problem
talking, but listening poses more of a challenge. Listening requires
us to hear our partners with our heart. An added step to
listening is acknowledging what we have heard. Are you really
hearing your partner’s feelings and needs? Or are you thinking
about how your partner is wrong or how you want to defend yourself?
If your partner is constantly communicating the same need or feeling
to you over and over, chances are you are not hearing your partner
with your heart.
Self-Centeredness. The minute you decide to enter into
a committed relationship, the moment self-centeredness becomes
a thing of the past. Intimacy requires there to be a balance between
self, the other person and the relationship. It’s not about just
you anymore. You have to take the feelings and needs of the other
person and the relationship into consideration. Decisions about
money, routines, free time, children, time, etc. now have to include
your partner’s input.
Lack of
Respect. Chances are if you lack respect for your partner,
your intimate life probably suffers. To respect means you hold
a high opinion and highly value yourself or another person. You
appreciate and show consideration for people. The closeness of
intimacy needs a general feeling of respect for self and your
partner. It also means you need to behave in a way that deserves
respect. You cannot expect your partner to respect you if your
actions do not warrant respect.
Imbalance
of Power. There cannot be one person in a relationship that
sees him or herself as more important than his or her partner.
A relationship consists of two people with perceived equality.
That doesn’t mean one person isn’t smarter, more knowledgeable
about certain topics, or has greater strengths in certain areas.
It means the difference is not highlighted, flaunted or disrespected.
Having a balance of power requires each person to have equal say
in a discussion. It means the needs and feelings of each person
are equally important.
Unhealthy
Arguments. All couples have disagreements. The intimacy in
your relationship will suffer if you let your arguments get out
of hand. Angry words, unresolved arguments, and inflicting emotional
and physical pain will destroy intimacy. Couples that are close
learn how to respectfully and healthily resolve their arguments.
Absence
of Touch. Although physical intimacy is just a part of total
intimacy, it is a very important part. If you don’t make a point
to hug, kiss, and experience sexual intimacy, your level of intimacy
will be affected. You can still be close, but touch adds extra
feelings of warmth, safety and love.
Extreme
Separateness. So many couples, after time, begin to live separate
lives. Either their differences separate them or unawareness or
lack of intention cause them to drift apart. Intimacy requires
people to spend time together and share in each other’s life.
A relationship is like a garden. You need to take the time to
pull the weeds, fertilize and water the flowers. In other words,
it requires time, love, and a commitment to keep the bad to a
minimum.
If you want
your relationship to be intimate, love and respect one another,
do your best to meet one another’s needs, share your dreams and
feelings, and avoid these eleven intimacy killers. |
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 I am thrilled
to announce my newest product ~ The Self Esteem Series.
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Volumes 1 and 2 are now being released, with Volumes 3-8 to be
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 Lori
Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and founder of True to You
Life Coaching, LLC. Through speaking, personal coaching,
her FREE monthly newsletter, and other coaching products, Lori’s
desire is to offer encouragement and support for moms on their
journey through motherhood. Her mission is to inspire and help
moms reduce stress, focus on what’s important to them, and be
who God designed them to be so they can have the peaceful and
happy family lives they want.
Take our FREE
coaching quiz or call 630-236-7142 for a FREE coaching session
to see if coaching is for you.
Since coaching
is conducted over the telephone or by email, no client is too
far away! |
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True to You Life Coaching™
Phone: (630) 236-7142 Email: lori@true2youlifecoaching.com |