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Articles for Moms is written by Lori Radun, , Certified Life Coach and founder of True To You Life Coaching
To learn more click HERE
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Relationships
July 2006 – 7 Secrets to Staying Positive in the Face of Negativity
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 You may know
Nichole Nordeman's song "I Want to Leave a Legacy". The words
go like this: "I want to leave a legacy. How will they remember
me? Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough to make a
mark on things?"
Do you ever
think about what kind of family legacy you want to leave with
your children? The years you have to spend with your children
are limited. The years you spend with them in your home are even
less. It can be all too easy to get caught up in the daily grind
of life and forget about the big picture. Why were YOU chosen
to be your children's parent? What lasting gifts do you have to
leave with them?
You may think
that you're young and you have plenty of time to think about your
legacy. The chances are you do, but your children are only children
once. And in the last 2 months, I have witnessed the loss of a
40 year old father of one beautiful daddy's girl and a 38 year
old mother of two loving children.
Take a few
moments this month to consciously record your legacy:
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| Everybody has
been around a negative person at least once in life – probably
many times. A negative person will bring you down and drain your
energy. If you allow them, negative people will make you angry
and challenge your ability to remain positive. Whether your child
or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family
member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there
are things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.
1. Do Not
Argue with Negativity
When you are
dealing with a negative person, the worst thing you can do is
argue with him. This only adds fuel to the fire. A negative person
will feed off any negativity that will reinforce his mood or attitude.
I have noticed when my children are in a cranky mood, it is best
to avoid trying to convince them that their attitude needs adjustment.
As soon as I take the approach of being in opposition with them,
they pounce on the opportunity to ensure me that life stinks.
Their negativity escalates and the situation gets worse before
it gets better. Know when to remain silent and let the negativity
pass.
2. Flood
Negativity with Love
A negative
person often needs love and attention. The irony of the situation
is that a negative person is difficult to love. It is our challenge
to rise above the negative behavior and love the injured and often
fearful person that is deep inside. How can you show love when
someone is negative? You must listen to what she is telling you.
Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like, “It
sounds like you are very upset with your boss”. Even if you don’t
quite understand the person’s feelings, know that your reality
is different than someone else’s. Ask how you might help the negative
person. This shows a genuine concern for his happiness. Offer
a hug even if you get rejected. Remember not to take a rejection
of your love personally. A negative person often has difficulty
receiving love from others.
3. Look
for the Positive
There is always
gold to be found in any negative situation. Pretend you are on
a treasure hunt and search for anything positive you can highlight.
Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is
drowning in negativity, it can be difficult to see the light.
So often my clients share the negative things about themselves,
only for me to counter with something positive. I admit that sometimes
a negative person doesn’t want to see the positive. This might
require her to shift her perspective. Negativity can become a
person’s best friend and no one wants to willingly give up their
best friend. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or
family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what
you have said.
4. Ask Negative
People to Be Specific
If you pay
close attention, you’ll notice negative people often speak in
generalizations. You may hear them say things like: “Men are jerks.”
“It’s wrong to be on welfare.” “My job is making me miserable.”
These kinds of statements are referred to as cognitive distortions.
To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for
more specifics. Questions like “Which men are jerks?” or “What
specifically about your job is making you miserable?” forces a
person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative
person will either give up because it takes too much effort to
explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
5. Detach
and Let Go of Trying to Change the Negative Person
The more you
try to change a negative person, the more he or she will fight
to remain negative. Detach from the emotion and let the negative
person be negative. You can even try a little reverse psychology
and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article
about a mother who was exasperated with her son’s negative mood.
Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired.
She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said.
When her son told her he had no friends, she agreed with him.
When he complained that his teacher was stupid, she couldn’t agree
more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her
son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired
and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
6. Avoid
the Negative Person
I agree that
some people are so chronically negative that you have no other
choice but to avoid them. If you have negative people in your
life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health,
you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your
life. There are certain people like a boss, friend or co-worker
that you can remove from your life or at least avoid for long
periods of time. Other people, such as children and spouses, may
require professional intervention if their negativity is affecting
your life. Reinforce very strong boundaries with chronically negative
people so you can protect your well being.
7. Manage
Your Own Negative Thoughts and Behavior
If you do nothing
else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts and behavior,
you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A negative
attitude is infectious, but a positive attitude is contagious
as well. Surround yourself with positive people that encourage
you to be your best self. Use positive affirmations to combat
negative self-talk. Express your gratitude for all the positive
things in your life. Take the time everyday to stop and smell
the roses, watch children laugh and play, and listen to the birds
chirp in the morning. Read inspirational material and listen to
joyful music. Seek spiritual connectedness with your God. Do whatever
you have to do to remain positive and joyful despite the negativity
you face. The world will be a better place because of you and
your attitude. And you never know, you just might help a negative
person make the transition to a better way of living. |
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 This summer
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 Lori
Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and founder of True to You
Life Coaching, LLC. Through speaking, personal coaching,
her FREE monthly newsletter, and other coaching products, Lori’s
desire is to offer encouragement and support for moms on their
journey through motherhood. Her mission is to inspire and help
moms reduce stress, focus on what’s important to them, and be
who God designed them to be so they can have the peaceful and
happy family lives they want.
Take our FREE
coaching quiz or call 630-236-7142 for a FREE coaching session
to see if coaching is for you.
Since coaching
is conducted over the telephone or by email, no client is too
far away! |
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Have
a blessed day!
Lori Radun, CEC True
to You Life Coaching, LLC
phone:
(630) 236-7142
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True to You Life Coaching™
Phone: (630) 236-7142 Email: lori@true2youlifecoaching.com |