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Articles for Moms is written by Lori Radun, , Certified Life Coach and founder of True To You Life Coaching
To learn more click HERE
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January 2007 Coaching Corner – Extracurricular Activities vs. Home Sweet Home
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| Don't let another
year go by without being intentional about living the life you
envision. A new year is a great time to evaluate your life. How
well are you managing both your inner and outer life?
By scheduling
a 60 minute discovery session, you will:
Your Cost:
$40.00 (60% Savings)
Call (630)
236-7142 today to schedule your session with Coach Lori! Since
coaching is conducted over the telephone, no client is too far
away! |
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| Here is an
opportunity for you to be coached on some issue of your choice.
Simply submit your question to me and I will feature 1 to 2 questions
per month in the next issue. Chances are if you are experiencing
difficulty, other moms are too. So let's learn from each other.
P.S. I will answer the questions in the order in which I receive
them from all of you.
Q. I am
the biological mother to one son (11) and one on the way and the
step mother to 3 girls (15, 10, 10, yes, twins). My husband is
really strong with my son and I am appreciative. But he is SOOOO
relaxed with his girls, and I end up being the one that is strong
with them. What I want to know is, do you think that this is fair
that I am put into a position to scold yet, when I do, I am looked
at as being too assertive? I love them as if they were my own,
but my husband is acting as if what is good for the gander is
not good for the geese...Please give me some direction. I am feeling
a little overwhelmed by this matter. P.A. Texas
A. First, I
want to acknowledge that a blended family can be challenging,
and I commend you for loving your husband's girls as if they were
your own. My guess is there are two things going on in your situation.
Oftentimes, when a couple divorces, the parent that doesn't have
physical custody (your husband) feels guilty about their children's
family situation. When the children come to visit, he probably
wants to make their time together as peaceful as possible. On
the other hand, your son lives with both of you everyday. The
other dynamic that I believe gets played out is how we discipline
different sexes. I believe a father is much harder on his son
than his daughters. Oftentimes, our society is conditioned to
toughen up our boys and treat our girls with gentleness.
That being
said, here is my advice on your situation. I think it is absolutely
essential that all children in a household are treated fairly.
Now, that doesn't mean they are treated equally because sometimes
age and temperment can play a factor in determining privileges
and consequences. The rules of the house are the same for everybody.
Children are very sensitive to being treated differently than
their siblings, and the parents should make every effort to show
love and respect to all the children. If a brother hits his sister,
there is a consequence, and the same consequence applies if a
sister hits his brother. When your husband's girls come over,
they blend right into the family and abide by the family's rules.
There should be no special treatment or letting them slide because
they are only visiting.
I would suggest
you and your husband pick up a book on raising blended families
and read it together. Two I would recommend are "Blending Families"
by Elaine Fantle Shimberg and "Positive Discipline for your Stepfamily"
by Jane Nelsen Ed.D., Cheryl Erwin, M.A., and H. Stephen Glenn,
Ph.D.
Q. What
is the best way to communicate disagreement with your husband?
Before you
communicate disagreement with anyone, one of the most important
things you can do is listen to and acknowledge the other person's
feelings. Everyone wants to be heard for what they think, feel
and believe. Ask questions to make sure you truly understand why
your husband feels the way he does, and do your best to see things
from his point of view. Once you have listened to and acknowledged
your husband's point of view, then share your point of view. Tell
him why you feel the way you do using "I" statements. Often times
we tend to attack the other person's opinion, setting off the
defenses and causing an argument. It is also very important that
you are emotionally calm when you communicate your feelings. If
you are feeling angry or emotional, take a timeout and come back
to the conversation later. Ask your husband how you can reach
a compromise that honors both of your viewpoints. |
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Blessings,
 Lori Radun, CEC True to You Life Coaching, LLC
phone:
(630) 236-7142
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True to You Life Coaching™
Phone: (630) 236-7142 Email: lori@true2youlifecoaching.com |