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Articles for Moms is written by Lori Radun, , Certified Life Coach and founder of True To You Life Coaching
To learn more click HERE
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Family/Parenting
Love and Family Rules - The Avenue to Raising Great Children
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 How often do
you truly live in the present moment? This means you are not thinking
about the future and you are not pondering your past. Living in
the present moment says you are fully experiencing with all your
senses everything that is going on right NOW. While living in
the present moment is sometimes hard to achieve, it is in this
state that you are at your best and most capable of achieving
a sense of peace. If you find yourself unable to relax into the
here and now, try these tips:
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 At the core
of raising your children to be happy and responsible adults is
developing their self-esteem. The Boost Kids kit (for ages
8-18) contains 28 lessons with an interactive CD-rom, activity
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| When I reflect
on the role of a mother, two important objectives come to my mind.
The first objective we have as moms is to maintain a loving, peaceful,
organized and fun family environment. The second is to raise our
children to be happy and responsible adults. Now these objectives
may not be the most important for every mom, but I think most
moms would agree these two goals are worthy of attention.
When you think
about all the factors that can prevent us from achieving these
two objectives, it can seem quite overwhelming. We live in a fast
paced world and finding time for everything can be a challenge.
The more family members we have, the more complicated family dynamics
become. And I think the most difficult factor we face is the external
pressures and the outside influences of the world. It is not easy
raising children in this day and age.
The good news
is you can raise great kids if you are equipped with the right
tools and information. The root focus of raising happy and responsible
children is developing their self esteem. And to develop their
self esteem, children need three things: attention, autonomy,
and limits. Children need to know they are worthy of love
and they need to be taken care of. They need to gradually develop
so they function independently from their parents. And children
need boundaries so they learn proper behavior and develop healthy
self esteem.
So how do you
give your children these three important items? You play with
them on a regular basis, show them lots of affection, and provide
the structure they need to thrive. To give children structure,
you must have a set of family rules for them to live by. Rules
provide the boundaries for how you expect your children to
behave. They teach the necessary skills and character traits
needed to develop autonomy and healthy self esteem. Rules
keep your children safe and secure and they provide
order and peace for your family.
Kenneth Kaye,
Ph.D., in his book Family Rules, provides a six step process
for setting family rules:
One of the
most interesting discoveries I made in Dr. Kaye’s book was the
difference between rules and preferences. Let me give you
a few examples of each and then I will explain the difference.
Examples of rules may be “You may not hit, kick or call your sibling
names” or “You must be home at the time we set for you”. Examples
of preferences are “We prefer you use your manners” and “We prefer
you spend your money wisely”.
Here are the
major differences between rules and preferences. Mom and Dad have
to agree on the rules, but they do not have to agree on preferences.
Mom may have one idea about how she wants her children to manage
money, but Dad may have a completely different view. However,
when it comes to setting a time to be home, if 9:00 PM is the
decided time, both Mom and Dad must be prepared to enforce this
time.
Rules require
consistency and must be clear and specific. Preferences can be
vague and do not require consistency. If a rule is broken, a consequence
is issued every time. With preferences, you prefer your child
do something a certain way, but it’s left up to your child’s discretion.
There is no consequence if your child does not do things the way
you would prefer. When my four year old has a playmate over, I
prefer he says hello and goodbye to them. I encourage him to use
his manners and I explain why I think it’s important, but there
is no consequence if he doesn’t. On the other hand, if he hits
or pushes his playmate, there would be an automatic time out.
Generally speaking, rules provide structure, peace, safety
and convenience, whereas, preferences teach children moral education,
social skills and positive feelings about themselves and others.
Now that you
understand how best to set family rules, I would suggest you post
your family rules so everyone can see them. Remember, enforcing
the rules requires issuing a consequence every time the rule is
broken. The best consequences are ones that restrict privileges.
The more natural and logical the consequence, the better it is.
Children should lose freedom when they act irresponsibly and
gain freedom when they demonstrate responsibility. One thing
I have found that helps take the emotion out of issuing consequences
is the Better
Behavior Wheel. This is a great tool for teaching kids about
the consequences for their actions.
Rules often
have a negative connotation for some parents. They sometimes bring
up their own personal resistance to being restricted. Rules are
actually necessary and positive devices for instilling order and
peace in your family. An adult with healthy self esteem feels
good about herself, treats others with respect, is happy, and
lives with healthy boundaries. As a child, this adult was given
loving attention, autonomy and limits. Rules are the avenue to
teaching autonomy and limits. Give your children lots of love
and attention, teach them responsibility and provide structure
by setting limits, and you will be successful at raising your
children to be happy and mature adults. |
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 I'm proud to
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 Lori
Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and founder of True to You
Life Coaching, LLC. Through speaking, personal coaching,
her FREE monthly newsletter, and other coaching products, Lori’s
desire is to offer encouragement and support for moms on their
journey through motherhood. Her mission is to inspire and help
moms reduce stress, focus on what’s important to them, and be
who God designed them to be so they can have the peaceful and
happy family lives they want.
Take our FREE
coaching quiz or call 630-236-7142 for a FREE coaching session
to see if coaching is for you.
Since coaching
is conducted over the telephone or by email, no client is too
far away! |
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Have a blessed day!
Lori Radun, CEC True to You Life Coaching, LLC
phone:
(630) 236-7142
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True to You Life Coaching™
Phone: (630) 236-7142 Email: lori@true2youlifecoaching.com |