The Four Misconceptions about Needs

Some of us have a need to be accepted, while others have a need for peace. Some people have needs for safety, power, or accomplishment. You might have a need to be loved, while your spouse may have a need for recognition. We all have personal needs that most of us try, consciously or not, to get met. Personal needs are things we must have in order to be our best. You can survive without having your needs met, but if you want an effortless, rewarding, and successful life, your personal needs must be identified, addressed and handled.

There are four misconceptions about needs that I typically hear from women:

1. I am too needy. There is no such thing as being too needy, just like you can't say I'm too hungry. Sometimes when we feel "too needy", it's merely a sign that we are starving to have our needs met. It could be there are old wounds that need to be healed. When those past hurts have been addressed, you will naturally need less. Other times, feeling "too needy" can mean you are uncomfortable with your needs. Some women don't feel worthy of having their needs met. So when that need to be cared for or the need to be acknowledged creeps us, we push it away with a declaration that we're "too needy".
2. My needs are not important. By nature, most women are nurturing and our tendency is to put other people's needs before our own. This, in and of itself, is not bad, unless you are ignoring your needs. While you may assert that your needs are important, at the end of the day, you retire once again, without having your own needs met. You spend your time meeting the needs of those around you, and wonder why there isn't time for you. Our needs are just as important as anyone's needs, and we have to take responsibility for getting those needs met.
3. People who love me should know what my needs are. While some of us may be attuned to meeting other people's needs without being asked, most of us aren't mind readers. It is important to communicate your needs and be comfortable asking people to meet them. If you need a hug, ask for one. Let people you love know that you need your feelings acknowledged, instead of trying to fix you. I recently spoke to a single mom who needed some extra support from her church small group, and she wasn't getting it. It wasn't that this group was not capable of meeting her need; they were not aware she had this need. As you work to get your needs met on a consistent basis, the need will virtually disappear.
4. One earthly person should be able to meet all my needs. As human beings, we all have limits as to how much we can give to another person before we are depleted. In addition, God created us all different from one another. While some people may be great listeners, others are great talkers. Some of us are very affectionate, while others may be more reserved. We need a network of people in our support circle. Be conscious about what your needs are and seek out people who are good at meeting your specific needs. By spending regular time with God, He can be your number one source for meeting all your needs.

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