The Family Meeting - A Pathway to a Peaceful Family Life

A family, just like any company, is an organization that has "business" that needs to be taken care of. In the corporate environment, the "meeting" has gotten a bad name. When you tell members of a corporation that there is going to be another meeting, they cringe because they know it's going to take up way too much of their time, and it may or may not be beneficial or successful.

But our family is different because it is our organization. We have a vested interest in making sure our organization is successful, our members are happy, and our family life is as peaceful and smooth as possible. It's entirely feasible for mom and dad to solve all the problems, take care of the family business, organize everyone's time and resolve all the conflicts, but I think there is a much better approach.

Benefits of the Family Meeting
The family meeting enables us, as parents, to teach and reinforce decision making and problem solving skills in our children. If we solve all the issues that come up and make all the decisions, we don't allow our children to learn these extremely important life skills. I am not suggesting we let our children run the house, but I am suggesting we start giving our children responsibility and input. The family meeting gives children the opportunity to take ownership of the success and happiness in the family. We all must learn to live together peacefully, therefore that duty falls on everyone. Lastly, the family meeting unifies the family and teaches everyone to work together for the benefit of the organization - the family. If a family is going to be successful and happy, there is not much room for self-centeredness. We must learn to move away from the "it's all about me" approach to "it's all about we".

Setting the Agenda
When you hold a family meeting, you must have a meeting agenda. There needs to be a reason for meeting, and an organized approach for carrying out the meeting. The chairperson (mom or dad) should write up the agenda 48 hours prior to the meeting so everyone has a copy of what is going to be discussed. This also gives everyone a chance to think about what ideas they may have to contribute. Meeting agendas can include any of the following topics:

• Resolving conflicts between family members
• Discuss organization and allocation of family "time" (extracurricular activities, holiday and birthday planning, fun nights, homework, volunteering, quiet or down time)
• Develop routines and procedures for the smooth functioning of the family (chores, finances, morning and bedtime routines, meal planning, family rules)
• Roll out family programs ("value" of the month, devotional nights)
• Goal setting for family members to encourage growth - celebration of successes and achievements
• Family issues that are causing problems (procrastination, timeliness, failure to follow through on promises or commitments, clutter)

Tips for Success
Don't be surprised if your first few meetings don't go exactly as planned. It may take some time to get everyone accustomed to the process. Stick with it and use these tips to ensure successful family meetings:

• Keep your meetings short (30 minutes or less) - everyone's attention span and coping skills vary.
• Don't discuss too much at one time - one or two topics per meeting is suffice.
• Keep a family meeting suggestion box and encourage children to use it in between meetings.
• Make your family meetings regular - weekly or biweekly is ideal.
• Begin and end each family meeting on a positive note.
• Add a little fun to your family meeting by coupling with a fun family activity or holding the meeting in a fun location.
• Add a little spice by keeping your family meetings different, but keep the structure and format the same so children feel the security of predictability.

Ground Rules
Without rules, there is chaos. Each family member should understand and follow the family meeting ground rules. Post these rules so everyone can see them and read the rules at the beginning of each meeting. A gentle reminder should be given if any of the rules are broken. If there is consistent or blatant breaking of the rules, a consequence should be given. Below are the 10 ground rules to adhere to when conducting a family meeting:

1. Always use loving words and tone of voice, or you may not speak.
2. Turn off all background noise and distractions - television, music, telephones and cell phones.
3. Only one person is allowed to speak at one time. Use a talking stick to avoid interrupting.
4. Everyone should be allowed to share his or her feelings and ideas, and be respected.
5. No complaining without presenting at least one possible solution.
6. At least one child should be five years old to begin family meetings. Keep expectations age appropriate.
7. All family members must be present at the meeting.
8. Keep a family minutes book for recording what takes place at every meeting.
9. Have an accountability plan in place to make sure ideas and decisions are carried out.
10. Mom or Dad is the chairperson for the meeting, but they should encourage child input and responsibility.

Family meetings empower each family member to create the family they envision living in. They provide a forum for creative problem solving, family bonds, healthier communication and strategic and satisfying decision making. Family meetings put you on the path to greater peace and happiness in your family.


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