Finding Peace in Letting Go

This week has been a real exercise for me in letting go. My son Kai is on the sophomore baseball team at high school, and he has been sitting on the bench quite a lot. In the beginning of the baseball season, I would have said that it's because he wasn't performing. Today, however, is a different story. This past Saturday, he was given a rare opportunity to play. His batting average was .500. He had 3 runs, 2 RBI's, and 1 stolen base. These are good statistics, but yet this week he remains on the bench.

If it wasn't so important to Kai to play baseball, I guess it wouldn't matter much to me. This is a kid, however, that has had a dream to play professional baseball all his life. So, I have found myself feeling angry at the coach for not giving him an opportunity to realize his dream. I am getting caught up in trying to control the outcome of this situation. And do I have control? Unfortunately, I do not because it involves other people.

What causes us to hold on tight and try to control in the first place? Normally, it's fear. What might happen if we lose control? Might we have to deal with life on different terms - terms that were not part of our plan? You see, in my situation, I am afraid if my son doesn't get to play varsity baseball, he is going to be heartbroken. Because baseball has been such a big part of his life, I am afraid he will lose a significant part of himself. This could be a very painful time of his life, and I'm trying to protect him from pain.

Sometimes, life hands us situations that are difficult, painful, or at best, different than what we expected. It can be as simple as someone disagreeing with us, or our children making bad choices. Or sometimes, it's something more complicated like an unexpected illness or a job layoff. Here are some tips you can use to find peace in letting go and surrendering to the uncontrollable.

• Understand what is within your control - you and your behavior
• Exercise your right to control only when it is appropriate
• Process the feelings you have related to this particular event
• Come up with a contingency plan to replace your original plan
• See the gifts in this unexpected and uncontrollable event
• Reframe your thoughts so they are healthy and accepting

How do we apply these tips to my baseball example? I realize that the coaches have control over who plays in the games. I am encouraging my son to talk with his coach about getting more playing time. If it doesn't work, I know that we have done what we can. Although I feel anger and fear, I know that life isn't always fair, and we won't always get what we want. If Kai doesn't make the varsity baseball team, we will work together to find another interest for him, or we will find another way for him to play baseball, aside from high school baseball. The gifts I will receive if he doesn't play baseball next year are I won't have to feel the heartbreak of watching my son sit on the bench, and I won't have to deal with the politics of high school baseball. Life will go on, with or without baseball, and I will be there for my son, no matter what life hands him.


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