Balancing Giving and Receiving

This past Mother's Day, my husband and I decided we would host a party for our family of mothers, and their respective families. Ordinarily hosting a party for 15 people, knowing I have to cook for that many, is not an activity I get particularly excited about. First of all, I am not a good cook and I feel somewhat lost in the kitchen if I have to prepare some fancy meal. Thankfully, my mother is an excellent host and absolutely loves to plan parties. She coached me from afar on how I was going to pull this whole event off.

At the beginning of the week, we sat on the phone and planned the menu. We put together a plan for what I was going to cook or prepare each day starting on Friday. On Thursday, she called me to make sure I was doing all the shopping. We checked in regularly with one another to make sure everything was on track. When I called her Sunday to wish her a Happy Mother's Day, she reminded me to take the pasta out of the refrigerator so it had plenty of time to come to room temperature before baking.

Throughout the whole weekend of preparation, I thought to myself, "This whole act of giving is exhausting and stressful, but it's also kind of fun." Was it worth it? You bet it was. When all the guests arrived, they were full of joy because they didn't have to cook. They were coming to my house to receive. They were thrilled to sit down to a table full of appetizers. And all the women were even more ecstatic when they were presented with a spread of delicious food that was made especially for them. I gave to them the gift of being served.

Now some of you might relate to this story because it's exactly what you did. Others might be wondering "What about you? You're a mom too. Don't you deserve to be served?" Of course I do. I will be planning my special day this week. Knowing that I was consciously balancing giving and receiving enabled me to give 100% of myself to other people.

More often than not, women, particularly moms, tip the balance scale too far in the direction of giving. We take care of our children. We manage and run the house, asking for very little help in return. We volunteer our time and help our friend's solve all their problems. We fall into bed exhausted from our day, only to be approached by our smiling and affectionate husbands.

So what would it look like if we balanced giving and receiving in our lives? It might mean we play with our children for 30 minutes and then explain to them we are going to take 30 minutes to read a book while they occupy themselves. It could be that we hire a babysitter for a half day without feeling guilty, while we do something we want to do. Balancing giving and receiving might mean you say no to volunteering so someone else can step up and help. Maybe today you find a friend that will listen to you.

Giving is being available to a friend over a cup of coffee. Receiving is allowing a friend to buy you lunch just because she wants to. Giving is offering to drive your child and her two friends to the mall and back. Receiving is letting another mom do the carpooling so you can experience some peace and quiet. Giving is happily agreeing to loan a family member $100 because they are short on cash. Receiving is being okay with requesting a pot luck dinner for your next party because you know it will save your family some money.

When we give too much, we risk being irritable and worn out. Resentment creeps in and giving is no longer something we do from our heart. If we receive too much, we are labeled as needy or selfish and people don't want to be around us. Sometimes when we are afraid of being too needy or selfish, we go to the extreme and give too much of ourselves. Likewise, if we're worried that people will take advantage of our kindness because our boundary setting skills are weak, we will fall to the other extreme. There is joy in giving and receiving, and we can find a healthy balance between the two. In what area of your life do you need to experience the balance between giving and receiving?


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