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Articles for Moms is written by Lori Radun, , Certified Life Coach and founder of True To You Life Coaching
To learn more click HERE
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Family and Parenting
April 2006- Two Word that Bring Music to a Mom's Ears
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| To love
yourself is to honor yourself. Follow these tips for a life dedicated
to self-respect.
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 It was a typical
evening in our home. Arguments from my teenager, opposition from
my preschooler – family dynamics that were driving me crazy. I
don’t remember quite what sent me over the edge. I do remember
reaching my limit. We’ve all been there. However, this time, for
me, was different. Usually, I am a flexible and patient parent.
Mrs. Incredible I was not this night. I was unwilling to stretch
any further. In other words, I developed an immediate no-nonsense
attitude and set to work on putting in place a new plan for my
children.
I decided my
children need to understand what “honor and respect your parents”
means. Sitting in front of my computer, I defined “respect” and
“disrespect” in terms my children would understand. Respect meant
saying yes instead of no, listening fast instead of slow, saying
okay and doing what I ask them to do, and dealing with their anger
appropriately. Disrespectful behaviors, on the other hand, were
talking back, arguing, and ignoring me, yelling or making demeaning
remarks.
Being well
educated in behavior management techniques, I set out to create
a chart that would be used to reward and discipline respectful
and disrespectful behaviors. At the top of the chart was the big
title, “Honor and Respect Your Parents”. Underneath the title
were the definitions of respect and disrespect. A behavior management
chart is not complete without the rewards and penalties. The penalty
for disrespect was an automatic check mark and a loss of 4 hours
of video/computer/TV time. The penalty can be whatever one wants.
The important thing is that it is immediate and painful for the
child. I am not advocating physical pain – just taking away something
that is important to the child. On my chart, the reward for respectful
behavior was a sticker. Five stickers was equivalent to one hour
of special privilege time. The chart was divided into 4 sections
because I have two children. The top half was reserved for my
teenager and the bottom half was for my preschooler. Each of them
had two sections – one for respect and one for disrespect. After
explaining to my children what was expected of them and how things
were going to work, we put the new program into place.
Now, it is
very easy to recognize disrespectful behavior because it is annoying
and challenging. However, it is more important to notice the respectful
behavior if you are going to make changes in your children. This
is what I did. Every single time my children responded to me with
respectful behavior, I would say, “Wow, you just earned a sticker”.
I would put a sticker on the chart immediately. Another important
aspect of this type of system is that all family members are on
the same page. Your expectations are the same for each child.
If you are trying to discourage hitting, for instance, no one
is exempt. One might be tempted to be harder on an older child,
and let a toddler slip by. This will discourage your children
if they are not treated fairly. At the same time, your husband
or any other adult responsible for disciplining the children,
must also understand and adhere to the new plan. Make sure you
are not in disagreement with other adults in the home or the children
will be confused, and behavior changes will not happen.
Now, I knew
my four year old would love stickers, but I wasn’t so sure about
the ability of stickers to motivate my fourteen year old. Something
unexpected set into motion. Because I have two boys, the game
soon became a competition to get tons of stickers. There was even
a little healthy competition between the two of them to act respectfully.
Now, of course, they tested me to see if I was really serious
about penalties for disrespect. They learned the hard way that
I was not going to tolerate disrespect. A few check marks were
issued, but the most exhilarating result was that I am finally
hearing two beautiful words most of the time: “OKAY MOM”. What
a change has taken place in our home. Our environment is more
positive and peaceful. The children are learning an extremely
important life lesson. We have since graduated from “Honor and
respect your parents” to “Honor and respect everyone”. This cuts
down on sibling disputes and teaches children that everyone is
worthy of respect.
This type of
behavior management system can be used with any type of child
behavior you are trying to change. Define for your children what
the desired and undesirable behavior look like. Institute a rewards
and consequences program that fits your children. Notice and reward
the desired behavior every time you see it. Immediately and consistently
issue a consequence for the undesirable behavior. Success depends
on rewarding the good often, making the consequences for the bad
painful, and CONSISTENCY! Soon, you too, may hear music in your
ears. |
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 I am happy
to announce that email coaching is now available. This
is for individuals who are ready to achieve their goals, but have
time constraints, a limited budget for coaching, or don't want
to talk to me on the telephone (ha ha).
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 The 8-week
Energy Equation eCourse is a great way to start your spring cleaning.
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--Jeanette
C. - Working Mom in Puerto Rico
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 Lori
Radun, CEC is a certified life coach and founder of True to You
Life Coaching, LLC. Through speaking, personal coaching,
her FREE monthly newsletter, and other coaching products, Lori’s
desire is to offer encouragement and support for moms on their
journey through motherhood. Her mission is to inspire and help
moms reduce stress, focus on what’s important to them, and be
who God designed them to be so they can have the peaceful and
happy family lives they want.
Take our FREE
coaching quiz or call 630-236-7142 for a FREE coaching session
to see if coaching is for you.
Since coaching
is conducted over the telephone or by email, no client is too
far away! |
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True to You Life Coaching™
Phone: (630) 236-7142 Email: lori@true2youlifecoaching.com |